By The Bedford Scallion
A strange phenomenon was experienced in the picturesque town of Bedford, MA, just miles northwest of Boston. The town, home of some 13,000 residents appears almost abandoned these days. Traffic, normally bumper-to-bumper from 4 PM to at least 6 PM is practically non-existent. The lunch hour rush is a dribble. Parking lots are empty and stores appear bereft of customers.
Strangely, local observers noted that the local coffee-and-donut shop was as busy as usual.
In interviews with local inhabitants who requested anonymity due to so few people still around, The Scallion learned that this phenomenon is “unheard of,” “shocking,” and “a new one on me.”
Says Town Meeting questioner extraordinaire and town crank, S. Tubb Orn, “the town is empty.” More than 90% of residents appeared to have fled for parts unknown. “I don’t know what to think. Are these folks coming back or not? I need to know whether there will be a quorum for the July 30 Special Town Meeting. And I want to know what the Town is planning to do with the Navy hangar, how the Town is going to finance it, and what the heck is going on!”
When asked about the situation, Bedford’s director of traffic studies, Shore T. Cut, referred The Scallion to town leaders. She was heard mumbling “I’ve got to get out of here” as she quickly hung up.
Soon-to-be former Town Manager Rick Reed failed to return repeated calls for comment placed between 8:05 and 8:10 am this morning. Is he even in town, or has he fled too?